My dear friend said it best when he told me “everytime I talk with you, you have big life changes happening”…. tis true. In a way this is why I seem to always be full of anxiety. My life always has something big going on. But I am thankful for that because I get bored far too easily.
So now I come back to my writing after a bit of time contemplating which direction I should take my next step on this crazy journey of mine. I find myself stuck at a point of crossroads. I have searched my heart, soul and mind for some sort of directional compass but thus far I am still standing solid in confusion. I have a choice to make and I need to do so very soon. Decision-making is definitely not one of my strong suits and especially when I feel so torn.
In one hand I hold the opportunity to travel again. Spain being the destination. My heart flutters with the thought of being able to experience this. I am a free-spirit at heart and more than I can describe I enjoy venturing out into the unknown even when I fall onto my face. The need for adventure and challenge consumes me. And its Madrid… who wouldn’t want to go there?
In the other hand though I hold my reality. I am just settling into my 8-5 and building my career. Though I don’t make much money I like the stability of knowing I have a job and living this life of “norm”. I am forming my life here and though many times I feel idle, I am slowing but surely getting it all together. Also in that hand I hold love. And love my friends is a powerful pull.
So should I stay or should I go? A hundred times a day I ask myself that. This morning I was thinking that if my friend came to me with this dillema what would I tell them? I know my advice would be GO. You are young and have the rest of your life to just work. Don’t tiptoe- get out there, life is an adventure but you have to make it one….
But is my adventure here or there? I guess that is for me to decide. I want to go and stay at the same time. Can I just clone myself and do both?
If I was talking to the me of a year ago there would be no questioning. I would be gone so fast you wouldn’t even see my shadow. But I’ve lived some life since then. Maybe its fear, maybe its comfort in control or maybe its just love. I don’t know. But I have to love myself enough also to listen to what I truly want the most… whatever that is.